Sweet Solo!!!!

This is an article which came in the 'Times of India' Hyderabad edition dated 13th July 08. The subject 'Loner' is one which I relate to very much and hence I wanted to share this article with the rest of you. :)

"I’m 13 now, don’t you think it’s time I got my own apartment dad?” is a teaser from a film currently running on a prime time movie channel. Walk in alone to a restaurant, and the maitre d will ask, “Table for one, Maa’m?” without batting an eyelid. As Oprah Winfrey once put it, “Nobody’s manufacturing any more space. I’ll take every bit I can get”. Loners echo the sentiment.

People across age groups and professions are finding their invaluable sense of personal space, urging them to live on their own at regular intervals. Space issues are cropping up within homes, and children are moving out even in the same city. High-rises are getting higher, cities more crowded, and suburbs stretching to their outer limits, as the great Indian Individual marks his personal territory.

Delhi-ite comedian Vir Das now lives in Mumbai. “I have an apartment slightly bigger than my body. Thanks to my work profile, I always see crowds around me. Hence, I need solitude back home. Here I don’t need to perform. I am just myself, doing what I want to do.” Self-indulgence does not necessarily make you a bad person. “On the contrary, I have become more disciplined, caring and responsible. But the best part is that I have begun to discover myself. Self-revelation has its own high.” Das is 29 and a new-age Loner. But you don’t have to be single to be a Loner. Successful online art dealer Aporajita Pal Mukerji has been living on her own for at least 20 days a month for the past 13 years. Her husband, a marketing professional, is out of town for the most part. But she wouldn’t barter it for anything else. “I love the time I have to myself. I work out, read books, connect with my friends… I know couples who have separate bedrooms and bathrooms too,” says Mukerji.

The trend has gone from joint families to nuclear ones; from nuclear families to Loners. And Loners are no longer stereotypical sad, isolated individuals who can’t make friends. Many are in healthy relationships, have bustling social lives, are part of clubs in their neighborhoods, and are constantly in touch with their families back home. Look at the girl or guy next to you in the train or bus. Prod a little and you’ll find a Loner.

The Loner is financially responsible and independent. Paying guests, rentals, and hostels are as much in demand as family homes. Actress Neena Gupta explains “financial empowerment is walking the talk when it comes to enjoying the option of living alone.” Those who’ve caught on to the expensive ways of the city have wisely invested in suburban apartments.
Spiritual teacher Neena Dandekar points out that “the urge to find one’s little nest is seen even among today’s teenagers. It’s easier to do away with the curfews parents impose.”

The Loner is also keenly focused on ambition and career, migrating to build the demographic with a dipping age-profile. “Now more people are flocking to different places at an impressionable age to study or work, which has given a whole new definition to the concept of happy loners,” says creative entrepreneur Preeti Vyas Patel. Rising incomes have allowed personal space to unfold. Spaces for family and for self; personal studios for creative artists, two-car homes, and separate vacations are not rare. Connecting with one’s self is all-important. Singer Sonu Niigaam feels his best indulgences happen during a long flight. “I read, watch movies, create melodies…” And he has a future vision of peace, he says. “When I turn 54, I’ll live alone in the middle of a forest, by the sea, or on a mountain, meditating or farming!”
Consultant psychiatrist at Mumbai’s Jaslok hospital, Shamsah Sonawalla says “Living alone out of choice can actually rejuvenate one’s mind, discipline one’s self and makes one very attractive to others as he/she is perceived to be self-reliant.”

The Loner is also not a stop-gap to living a complete life. Banker Arindom Chatterjee is happily married and a successful professional. Yet, he is most content when he steals few hours of solitude every weekend. “I either go for a long drive or curl up in bed and read or listen to my favorite song. I insist on this personal space as this is the best way I unwind,” says Chatterjee.

Even senior citizens like Arati Gupta, who has the option of moving in with her son and daughter-in-law, prefers to live alone in Delhi. “I share a beautiful relationship with my family, but I prefer my me-time. I gave up a high-profile job to enjoy things one talks of doing someday. Three years later, I have yet to ask myself if I’ve felt lonely. I live by the motto — ‘Enjoy life, employ life, it flits away and will not stay’. I plan my activities such that each action is satisfying. I travel to my ‘wish-list places’. I enjoy being with my grand-daughter. At home, I’m comfortable with my music, books, internet, friends and above all, my fitness routine.”

The Loner lives in her own space. Alone, but no longer lonely. She has found her own space, her calling, her self.

Hugs

Hug an expression of love, a way of greeting among humans and many other living creatures. Common sights of greeting in the western countries but do so in India it is considered to be a taboo. A hug, a touch among friends is considered real taboo and not often seen in our country except maybe in the metros where now a day it is becoming kind of ok.

During my days in Bangalore I got to know how much these hugs from friends help. All of us staying at the hostel used to miss home big time and when one of us used to feel low and homesick a hug from friends helped a lot to go on forward with our lives.

A touch from our fellow being is something which is required by every human being, it is something which means lots in his/her life. It is often read that a baby needs to touched and cuddled so as to make it fell more secure and protected and so as to help bond with the people around it. And I believe it is not only when we are babies that we require it but also as we grow older we require it or we crave for it but we are not aware of it.

When one of our loved ones is sad or has been affected by a tragedy and has broken down the best way to console is to just hold that person close and tight thereby letting him/her know that you are there for him/ her through their tough times. No amount of consoling word would be more comfort to that person than the hug you give during their time of sadness.

Hug an expression of love, care and support so very important in human lives, an expression which says much more than words, an expression which makes us feel whole.

Friendz

‘Friends’ a sweet name given by someone to the greatest relationship that can exist between 2 people. ‘Friends’ you have them by your side wherever you go and whenever you need them. They become more important to you than any other relations that you have, they will be there for you during your times of sorrow and distress, they lend you their shoulder when you cry, they are there during your days of happiness, and they multiply your joys in ways unknown to you. There is some way known only to them to make the ordinary days most special for you. Friends come to know you better than your own parents and in some cases more than we know ourselves. They know what hurts you and see to it that you avoid those things that hurt you.

Though we make a lot of friends over the course of our life not all are friends made for life only some of the special ones are for life. They would be there for you always just a phone call away any time that you want them. Some of them are with you only for a little time and then you leave them and they leave you behind and go ahead with life. And in our walk of life memory brings in them back to us and we remember them fondly like a sweet chapter that we love to revisit again and again. Always wondering what they would be doing now and how they have fared in the journey called life. :)

Speed! It thrills but kills.....

Speed thrills but kills a phrase often seen on the highways asking us to slow down on the highways. But speed does give the thrill which makes us forget that it might also lead to our death if not careful.

I love zooming on my Honda Activa through the highways in Kochi. It is a great stress reliever for me and I did not realize how much I missed the rides on my Activa until I rode it two weeks back after a gap of 6 to 7 months when I had gone down to Kochi for a few days. It is so exhilarating to zoom on it through the highways in Kochi as road are clear and congestion free and we can go up to an 80kmph for sure and need not go below a 60kmph for a major portion of our rides.

While on the Activa I love the wind blowing against me, sneaking my way through the huge traffic blocks, the stress ebbing out of me with the increasing speed ohhh!!! I just love this and more. I consider myself more a bike lover than a car lover as I just love the rides taken on the bikes be it a pillion ride on the bikes or just simply ridding it.

While doing my MBA whenever I felt bored at hostel I used to sneak out with my Activa for long rides through the seaport airport road (which is wide straight stretch which joins the airport to the seaport for transporting the cargo fast and smooth) as it did never saw much traffic. Zooming through this road was and still is one my favorite pastimes whenever I get the time to do it on my vacations in Kerala.

The Activa I think is the best gift given to me by my parents. The independence and freedom experienced while riding it cannot be explained. It surely is exhilarating to just zoom on it. :)

Three Mistakes of my Life

“Three Mistakes of My Life” a book by Chetan Bagat who is famous for his earlier works ‘Five Point Someone’ and ‘One Night at a Call Center’. This story is based on the three childhood friends Govind, Omi and Ishaan and how the communal riots that happened in Gujarat affect their lives forever.

The other major thread that runs through the entire story is cricket, how the passion for cricket affects their lives in a major way. Another protagonist in this book is the little boy, the cricket genius Ali an indirect reason for the crack in the friendship between the three and also indirectly a reason for the death of one of them during that fateful night. The story gives an insight into the communal tension that persists in Gujarat and also how it is flared up by the political parties for their own benefits.

I personally like the first book by Chetan Bagat ‘Five Point Someone’ which was great I have also liked the latest book by him ‘Three Mistakes of My Life’ though we ponder which the third mistake……is

Girls of Riyadh

This is a book written by Rajaa Alsanea about her four friends who belong to Riyadh’s elite class. The girls are in their early 20s and the book shows how they struggle to live a life of their own in a society where male dominates their decisions and how love blinds them in their path of life.

The story revolves around the lives of Gumrah, Sadeem, Michelle and Lamees their struggle at the age of marriage to find true love and hold onto it. The story depicts how the girls learn from their past mistakes in love. The story gives a glimpse of how the girls find it difficult to breathe and live a life which many of us take for granted. A better description of the lives women in such countries is depicted in the book “The Princess”.