This is an article which came in the 'Times of India' Hyderabad edition dated 13th July 08. The subject 'Loner' is one which I relate to very much and hence I wanted to share this article with the rest of you. :)
"I’m 13 now, don’t you think it’s time I got my own apartment dad?” is a teaser from a film currently running on a prime time movie channel. Walk in alone to a restaurant, and the maitre d will ask, “Table for one, Maa’m?” without batting an eyelid. As Oprah Winfrey once put it, “Nobody’s manufacturing any more space. I’ll take every bit I can get”. Loners echo the sentiment.
People across age groups and professions are finding their invaluable sense of personal space, urging them to live on their own at regular intervals. Space issues are cropping up within homes, and children are moving out even in the same city. High-rises are getting higher, cities more crowded, and suburbs stretching to their outer limits, as the great Indian Individual marks his personal territory.
Delhi-ite comedian Vir Das now lives in Mumbai. “I have an apartment slightly bigger than my body. Thanks to my work profile, I always see crowds around me. Hence, I need solitude back home. Here I don’t need to perform. I am just myself, doing what I want to do.” Self-indulgence does not necessarily make you a bad person. “On the contrary, I have become more disciplined, caring and responsible. But the best part is that I have begun to discover myself. Self-revelation has its own high.” Das is 29 and a new-age Loner. But you don’t have to be single to be a Loner. Successful online art dealer Aporajita Pal Mukerji has been living on her own for at least 20 days a month for the past 13 years. Her husband, a marketing professional, is out of town for the most part. But she wouldn’t barter it for anything else. “I love the time I have to myself. I work out, read books, connect with my friends… I know couples who have separate bedrooms and bathrooms too,” says Mukerji.
The trend has gone from joint families to nuclear ones; from nuclear families to Loners. And Loners are no longer stereotypical sad, isolated individuals who can’t make friends. Many are in healthy relationships, have bustling social lives, are part of clubs in their neighborhoods, and are constantly in touch with their families back home. Look at the girl or guy next to you in the train or bus. Prod a little and you’ll find a Loner.
The Loner is financially responsible and independent. Paying guests, rentals, and hostels are as much in demand as family homes. Actress Neena Gupta explains “financial empowerment is walking the talk when it comes to enjoying the option of living alone.” Those who’ve caught on to the expensive ways of the city have wisely invested in suburban apartments.
Spiritual teacher Neena Dandekar points out that “the urge to find one’s little nest is seen even among today’s teenagers. It’s easier to do away with the curfews parents impose.”
The Loner is also keenly focused on ambition and career, migrating to build the demographic with a dipping age-profile. “Now more people are flocking to different places at an impressionable age to study or work, which has given a whole new definition to the concept of happy loners,” says creative entrepreneur Preeti Vyas Patel. Rising incomes have allowed personal space to unfold. Spaces for family and for self; personal studios for creative artists, two-car homes, and separate vacations are not rare. Connecting with one’s self is all-important. Singer Sonu Niigaam feels his best indulgences happen during a long flight. “I read, watch movies, create melodies…” And he has a future vision of peace, he says. “When I turn 54, I’ll live alone in the middle of a forest, by the sea, or on a mountain, meditating or farming!”
Consultant psychiatrist at Mumbai’s Jaslok hospital, Shamsah Sonawalla says “Living alone out of choice can actually rejuvenate one’s mind, discipline one’s self and makes one very attractive to others as he/she is perceived to be self-reliant.”
The Loner is also not a stop-gap to living a complete life. Banker Arindom Chatterjee is happily married and a successful professional. Yet, he is most content when he steals few hours of solitude every weekend. “I either go for a long drive or curl up in bed and read or listen to my favorite song. I insist on this personal space as this is the best way I unwind,” says Chatterjee.
Even senior citizens like Arati Gupta, who has the option of moving in with her son and daughter-in-law, prefers to live alone in Delhi. “I share a beautiful relationship with my family, but I prefer my me-time. I gave up a high-profile job to enjoy things one talks of doing someday. Three years later, I have yet to ask myself if I’ve felt lonely. I live by the motto — ‘Enjoy life, employ life, it flits away and will not stay’. I plan my activities such that each action is satisfying. I travel to my ‘wish-list places’. I enjoy being with my grand-daughter. At home, I’m comfortable with my music, books, internet, friends and above all, my fitness routine.”
The Loner lives in her own space. Alone, but no longer lonely. She has found her own space, her calling, her self.
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