Women Inspirers

I guess I am a feminist as I am inspired by the powerful women who have been and are around in this world of ours. Whoever knows me also know that I devour books like crazy but what they would not have realized would be that I am someone who read/invariably select books where the mainly women are strong and inspirational.

I take as my role model women who have carved a niche in history with their inspirational lives, one of my first role model came to me by accident you can say. Our school had organized a book fair and I was given money to pick up book by my Mom. I went through the entire collection the fair had and finally selected a book on the life of the first women doctor- Elizabeth Blackwell- an autobiography on her life. A woman who was so determined that she wanted to become a doctor she did not think it was impossible instead she strived towards it with determination and hard work in an age and society that deemed women were supposed to learn to be good daughters, wives, mothers and hostess and nothing more.

The second role model was Noor Inayat Khan the first female radio operator to enter occupied France to aid the French resistance. I don’t exactly remember where I picked up her autobiography-Spy Princess- The life of Noor Inayat Khan but this was a book on another inspirational woman who like Elizabeth was determined to do what she wanted to even in adverse conditions. Hers story was of how a demure and innocent looking women was brave and did her bit in the war against Nazi’s.

My next 2 role models has come into my life very recently, and came to me through articles I read in the paper, The Hindu to be exact. One was an article by Navin Chawla on a woman who is known world over and is an inspiration to many- Mother Theresa. Later on I realized that he has written an autobiography on her and coincidentally on the same day as I read the article was able to pick her autobiography from the book fair organized in our office J. I am still reading the book and am not even half way through it but I have able to identify the same traits of resilience and determination that I found while reading the autobiographies of Elizabeth and Noor.

They are strong individuals who are sure of what they want in life and are determined to achieve it pushing past hurdles that are thrown in their way. They dream big and are hell bent on seeing to it that it is realized. I sometimes wish that I had that kind of strength of character and big dreams to realize.

I know I told that there are 2 more roles models and I have just mentioned Mother Theresa. My next source of inspiration came to me through another article I read in The Hindu. It was an article written by her that I liked, I had already read the book written by her which won her the Booker prize during my college days (I think you must have by now guessed whom I talking about), and got me to search for other articles by her on the net- Arundhati Roy. I found her to be one of the sane voices amidst the insanity that surged the country last week- the massive protest against corruption- Jan Lokpal Bill. And I liked her article as it had the same questions and view which I myself had and would have asked. I also loved the interview she gave to CNN- IBN on the massive protest that took place last week against corruption to Sagarika Ghose. I find her brave and to strongly voice on many of the serious issues that the world is facing today and has no qualms on writing them out in strongly worded articles or speaking it out loud.

I rather not be ANNA

The write up by Arundati Roy in Hindu, the only sane voice I felt that resounded in all that tamasha of Janlok Pal Bill. Her article echoes a lot of the questions I wanted to ask. So here is the article for you to read.

While his means maybe Gandhian, his demands are certainly not.

If what we're watching on TV is indeed a revolution, then it has to be one of the more embarrassing and unintelligible ones of recent times. For now, whatever questions you may have about the Jan Lokpal Bill, here are the answers you're likely to get: tick the box — (a) Vande Mataram (b) Bharat Mata ki Jai (c) India is Anna, Anna is India (d) Jai Hind.
For completely different reasons, and in completely different ways, you could say that the Maoists and the Jan Lokpal Bill have one thing in common — they both seek the overthrow of the Indian State. One working from the bottom up, by means of an armed struggle, waged by a largely adivasi army, made up of the poorest of the poor. The other, from the top down, by means of a bloodless Gandhian coup, led by a freshly minted saint, and an army of largely urban, and certainly better off people. (In this one, the Government collaborates by doing everything it possibly can to overthrow itself.)
In April 2011, a few days into Anna Hazare's first “fast unto death,” searching for some way of distracting attention from the massive corruption scams which had battered its credibility, the Government invited Team Anna, the brand name chosen by this “civil society” group, to be part of a joint drafting committee for a new anti-corruption law. A few months down the line it abandoned that effort and tabled its own bill in Parliament, a bill so flawed that it was impossible to take seriously.
Then, on August 16th, the morning of his second “fast unto death,” before he had begun his fast or committed any legal offence, Anna Hazare was arrested and jailed. The struggle for the implementation of the Jan Lokpal Bill now coalesced into a struggle for the right to protest, the struggle for democracy itself. Within hours of this ‘Second Freedom Struggle,' Anna was released. Cannily, he refused to leave prison, but remained in Tihar jail as an honoured guest, where he began a fast, demanding the right to fast in a public place. For three days, while crowds and television vans gathered outside, members of Team Anna whizzed in and out of the high security prison, carrying out his video messages, to be broadcast on national TV on all channels. (Which other person would be granted this luxury?) Meanwhile 250 employees of the Municipal Commission of Delhi, 15 trucks, and six earth movers worked around the clock to ready the slushy Ramlila grounds for the grand weekend spectacle. Now, waited upon hand and foot, watched over by chanting crowds and crane-mounted cameras, attended to by India's most expensive doctors, the third phase of Anna's fast to the death has begun. “From Kashmir to Kanyakumari, India is One,” the TV anchors tell us.
While his means may be Gandhian, Anna Hazare's demands are certainly not. Contrary to Gandhiji's ideas about the decentralisation of power, the Jan Lokpal Bill is a draconian, anti-corruption law, in which a panel of carefully chosen people will administer a giant bureaucracy, with thousands of employees, with the power to police everybody from the Prime Minister, the judiciary, members of Parliament, and all of the bureaucracy, down to the lowest government official. The Lokpal will have the powers of investigation, surveillance, and prosecution. Except for the fact that it won't have its own prisons, it will function as an independent administration, meant to counter the bloated, unaccountable, corrupt one that we already have. Two oligarchies, instead of just one.

Whether it works or not depends on how we view corruption. Is corruption just a matter of legality, of financial irregularity and bribery, or is it the currency of a social transaction in an egregiously unequal society, in which power continues to be concentrated in the hands of a smaller and smaller minority? Imagine, for example, a city of shopping malls, on whose streets hawking has been banned. A hawker pays the local beat cop and the man from the municipality a small bribe to break the law and sell her wares to those who cannot afford the prices in the malls. Is that such a terrible thing? In future will she have to pay the Lokpal representative too? Does the solution to the problems faced by ordinary people lie in addressing the structural inequality, or in creating yet another power structure that people will have to defer to?

Meanwhile the props and the choreography, the aggressive nationalism and flag waving of Anna's Revolution are all borrowed, from the anti-reservation protests, the world-cup victory parade, and the celebration of the nuclear tests. They signal to us that if we do not support The Fast, we are not ‘true Indians.' The 24-hour channels have decided that there is no other news in the country worth reporting.

‘The Fast' of course doesn't mean Irom Sharmila's fast that has lasted for more than ten years (she's being force fed now) against the AFSPA, which allows soldiers in Manipur to kill merely on suspicion. It does not mean the relay hunger fast that is going on right now by ten thousand villagers in Koodankulam protesting against the nuclear power plant. ‘The People' does not mean the Manipuris who support Irom Sharmila's fast. Nor does it mean the thousands who are facing down armed policemen and mining mafias in Jagatsinghpur, or Kalinganagar, or Niyamgiri, or Bastar, or Jaitapur. Nor do we mean the victims of the Bhopal gas leak, or the people displaced by dams in the Narmada Valley. Nor do we mean the farmers in NOIDA, or Pune or Haryana or elsewhere in the country, resisting the takeover of the land.

‘The People' only means the audience that has gathered to watch the spectacle of a 74-year-old man threatening to starve himself to death if his Jan Lokpal Bill is not tabled and passed by Parliament. ‘The People' are the tens of thousands who have been miraculously multiplied into millions by our TV channels, like Christ multiplied the fishes and loaves to feed the hungry. “A billion voices have spoken,” we're told. “India is Anna.”

Who is he really, this new saint, this Voice of the People? Oddly enough we've heard him say nothing about things of urgent concern. Nothing about the farmer's suicides in his neighbourhood, or about Operation Green Hunt further away. Nothing about Singur, Nandigram, Lalgarh, nothing about Posco, about farmer's agitations or the blight of SEZs. He doesn't seem to have a view about the Government's plans to deploy the Indian Army in the forests of Central India.
He does however support Raj Thackeray's Marathi Manoos xenophobia and has praised the ‘development model' of Gujarat's Chief Minister who oversaw the 2002 pogrom against Muslims. (Anna withdrew that statement after a public outcry, but presumably not his admiration.)

Despite the din, sober journalists have gone about doing what journalists do. We now have the back-story about Anna's old relationship with the RSS. We have heard from Mukul Sharma who has studied Anna's village community in Ralegan Siddhi, where there have been no Gram Panchayat or Co-operative society elections in the last 25 years. We know about Anna's attitude to ‘harijans': “It was Mahatma Gandhi's vision that every village should have one chamar, one sunar, one kumhar and so on. They should all do their work according to their role and occupation, and in this way, a village will be self-dependant. This is what we are practicing in Ralegan Siddhi.” Is it surprising that members of Team Anna have also been associated with Youth for Equality, the anti-reservation (pro-“merit”) movement? The campaign is being handled by people who run a clutch of generously funded NGOs whose donors include Coca-Cola and the Lehman Brothers. Kabir, run by Arvind Kejriwal and Manish Sisodia, key figures in Team Anna, has received $400,000 from the Ford Foundation in the last three years. Among contributors to the India Against Corruption campaign there are Indian companies and foundations that own aluminum plants, build ports and SEZs, and run Real Estate businesses and are closely connected to politicians who run financial empires that run into thousands of crores of rupees. Some of them are currently being investigated for corruption and other crimes. Why are they all so enthusiastic?

Remember the campaign for the Jan Lokpal Bill gathered steam around the same time as embarrassing revelations by Wikileaks and a series of scams, including the 2G spectrum scam, broke, in which major corporations, senior journalists, and government ministers and politicians from the Congress as well as the BJP seem to have colluded in various ways as hundreds of thousands of crores of rupees were being siphoned off from the public exchequer. For the first time in years, journalist-lobbyists were disgraced and it seemed as if some major Captains of Corporate India could actually end up in prison. Perfect timing for a people's anti-corruption agitation. Or was it?

At a time when the State is withdrawing from its traditional duties and Corporations and NGOs are taking over government functions (water supply, electricity, transport, telecommunication, mining, health, education); at a time when the terrifying power and reach of the corporate owned media is trying to control the public imagination, one would think that these institutions — the corporations, the media, and NGOs — would be included in the jurisdiction of a Lokpal bill. Instead, the proposed bill leaves them out completely.

Now, by shouting louder than everyone else, by pushing a campaign that is hammering away at the theme of evil politicians and government corruption, they have very cleverly let themselves off the hook. Worse, by demonising only the Government they have built themselves a pulpit from which to call for the further withdrawal of the State from the public sphere and for a second round of reforms — more privatisation, more access to public infrastructure and India's natural resources. It may not be long before Corporate Corruption is made legal and renamed a Lobbying Fee. Will the 830 million people living on Rs.20 a day really benefit from the strengthening of a set of policies that is impoverishing them and driving this country to civil war?

This awful crisis has been forged out of the utter failure of India's representative democracy, in which the legislatures are made up of criminals and millionaire politicians who have ceased to represent its people. In which not a single democratic institution is accessible to ordinary people. Do not be fooled by the flag waving. We're watching India being carved up in war for suzerainty that is as deadly as any battle being waged by the warlords of Afghanistan, only with much, much more at stake.

LOST!!!

It is almost a year since I have blogged, and seemed to have lost my way in this perpetual journey of life...

When and how did I lose my way……. Not really sure…. but what I am sure of is I no longer am the person I was before.

Do you think I would find my way back in this journey called life?

Would I gather round the happiness and dreams that I once had....Would I go searching for it? Or will I let just let it go….

Would I find my way back or continue along this lonely path....

Womens Reservation- The debate

Women reservation bill was tabled and passed in the Rajya Sabha around a month or two ago and it was a major topic of discussion all around. One such discussion happened at office over coffee and one of my colleague voiced that he resented the bill and smugly asked that women allege that they want to be equal to men then why the need for reservation?

A question I am sure in the minds of many of the opposite gender.

Why reservation when you demand equality? Reservation do not exist in developed countries like the US, UK or Australia then why here in India?

Well I support the reservation and am firm advocator of equal rights for both.

In our country reservation is to help the down trodden, the socially and educationally backward in the society and I feel no one fits that bill better than women.

In our country womens struggle for survival starts from the moment she is conceived. If she is lucky enough then she gets to see this beautiful world as we all do or else her fight perpetually ends in the safe haven of womb itself. Coming into this world is not an end to her fight rather it is just a start. After birth starts her fight for survival, education, equality, honor, making her choices in life.

You might argue that it does not hold true in today’s India where people are educated and we read reports of women having achieved a lot.But I will have to disagree and say that it is still the same in most parts of our country. Yes there are a lot written about and we feel that a lot is happening in the right direction but that is for a very small percentage representing the humanity called women.

There are villages in India where it is difficult to find a single female offspring. They are either aborted or killed soon after birth. It is justified by the archaic village panchayats. How else could you justify the skewed sex ratio’s that are reported by the census and various other reports?

Why villages? There are a great sections in our cities that have a stigma attached to girl child. Be it by aborting them, abandoning them after birth, depriving them of education, prohibiting them from joining work and much much more.

Yes there is a slow and definite change in the mindsets happening today but to discard what was being followed from centuries will take time.

Reservation of women in the parliament is a small step in the direction to help women achieve the equality she demands. These women elected and representing the millions of women in the country would see to it that laws and rules are passed that would invariably help the women get better opportunities. Better education, nutrition, living conditions and much much more.

In countries like US, UK and Australia where there is no discrimination for being a girl child and where every opportunity is rightfully given to her there is no need for reservation but in a country like India where there is discrimination everywhere she turns, reservation is a necessity till she can stand shoulder to shoulder with man and demand for equality.

'The Book'

I have already written about the two persons who inspired me or were the reason for me to start blogging. Today I am going to talk about a person who inspires me to continue writing it and whose one question for sure whenever I give him a call is whether I have posted any new entries?

His name is Vikas Verma and he is a friend I got at my stint with Satyam in Hyderabad. He is also the one who inspired me to write the blog titled ‘consequences of marriage’. He was one of the boyfriends whose initial confusion after marriage was directly seen by me and inspired me to write it. :D

These days in addition to asking about new entries he also asks whether I have started to write ‘The Book’. He believes that I could very well write a book and would be successful in it. For that faith of his in my writing I have promised him that if and when I write a book it would be dedicated to him. It is as a gratitude for his belief in my writing a belief I do not have in me.

I have forever dreamed of writing a book, I do not know if I will but when I have a friend who believes and pushes me to it I am sure I might end up writing one in future.

The better part of this deal is that I am assured of having 100 copies of my book being sold. He has taken it up to himself to sell a 100 copies of the book that I write and hence would be the first book in the history of mankind to have sold a 100 copies even before the author started writing it (imagine a smiley with a sheepish smile here).

Vikas this entry is for you and the book when I write it would also be dedicated to you. For the faith that you have in my writing and in turn for the faith you have in me. Thank you. :)

Avatar- Watch it for the message

Watched the highest grossing movie of all time Avatar and loved the underlying idea in the movie of living in tune with nature. Life existing in such a way that the balance in nature is not disturbed. That was something our ancestors did, living in balance with nature, taking from her only that which could be replenished by her.

I also admired the heights of his imagination where he digitally created a home away from home. The beauty, splendor and detail with which he created its flora and fauna is amazing.

But what I prized the most was the way Na’vi and Pandora coexisted. It is similar to the relation man and nature had ages ago when man worshipped nature and took from her bounty and gave back to her. In today’s world it is actually a message to stop the atrocities that man is committing against nature. Man do not realize that in his greed for money he is slowly killing himself and destroying a place we all call home.

If our ancestor were as greedy as we are now we wouldn’t have had all the beauty that we see around us. The high price of this unscrupulous destruction is going to be paid by us and the future. We have already started paying for the plundering with the rising temperature, diminishing water levels, natural disasters and many of the changes we see in Mother Nature.

Destroying that what we received as a blessing from the creator is easy but do keep in mind that we are killing ourselves and the generation to come by our actions and greed.

Met Remy!!!

I saw Remy the other day in Mumbai on my way to office, no not the electric shock received hair styled one whom I have mentioned in the first ever article written by me in school but Remy of the Ratatouille fame. Remy, you know, the rat that played the protagonist in the Disney movie ‘Ratatouille’ yes I saw him. Now you might ask how I am so sure that it is Remy itself. Well I will tell you how?

I saw him during the busy, rush filled morning office hours with vehicles jumping signal and all across there is a sense of urgency to get to destinations fast. And here he was waiting to cross the big intersection beneath the flyover where vehicles ply to and fro to four directions and more in addition to the multitude of people on the street running and walking in rush.

He first scurried across the road to beneath the flyover across the zebra line bordering the vehicles awaiting the light to turn green. Then he jumped the signal to cross diagonally across the road dodging and scurrying unscathed between the wheels of bus, car, truck, and in between the running and hurrying feet of people to safely reach the other side of the rode.

Once he reached the other side of the road he hopped onto a rickshaw awaiting green light at that end of the road and carried on to his next adventure.

Who other than Remy would be so adept to the ways of living in the city. He who has lived in Paris wouldn’t find the hustle and bustle of Mumbai a great challenge. :D

Loss due to technology

A thought crossed my mind the other day that with the rate at which technological progress and advancements are happening. Wouldn’t our future generations miss on some of the beautiful experiences we have had as kids?

I still fondly remember the summer vacations of my childhood. The 2 months of summer vacation divided between my paternal and maternal ancestral houses in Kerala when we came down from Mumbai. It was a time when all of us aunts, uncles and cousin would have a ball of a time walking around in the lush greenery surrounding the house. Splashing and bathing in the pond or the river, plucking ripe cashew from the cashew trees, picking fallen nutmeg, mangoes, guavas and the endless amount of fruits that doted the house. Running behind chicks which were specially hatched for our arrival by my maternal grandmother timing them in such a way that they would have hatched just the day we reached or would hatch within a day or two after our arrival. There were so many endless activities that beheld our attention in the months that invariably flew off fast. Even though there was no TV in both these places it was never missed or for a fact thought about at all during the stay.

But when our kids have their summer vacation what would be kind of experience they would have? The experiences they would have would be of watching TV, playing games on the computer, surfing the net. Wouldn’t they miss on all the amazing memories that we created on the wonderful experience that we had in the 2 special months every year of our life?

Would they get to have a vacation where they would be one with nature? Just walk around and play in nature’s bounty, play with free flowing, pure water, get unabashedly drenched in the rain, feed the cow and its young, run around behind the chicks, hunt for and pick warm eggs once the hen start clucking after having laid it.

I don’t know! But I have a gut feeling that they won’t. We have missed on many a wonderful experience that our parents have had during their childhood. Though the cycle of life might let our kids grow in an age where technology is far progressed from what we had in our childhood, they would be missing out on a lot of the real life experiences which we as their parents had when technology had not advanced this much.

Table for one

Here is another article that I came across in the net and liked . Hope you guys also like it :)

How often do you get to be girl, uninterrupted in the city? If you're hanging out after work, it is work colleagues, friends or significant others. If it's a movie, it involves finding out who is available and willing.

If it's going dancing, it's how much critical mass do you have, really? If you are traveling, someone always wants to know what you do, where you work, whether you are married or single. If you go to the beauty salon to get pampered, they want to know where you cut your hair or get your pedicure.

If you're waiting to board a flight, there's a nosey parker in the next seat. So it's not very often that you have alone time really, not even when you retire to your nest, as there is always someone competing for that remote, that favourite couch, that precious hour in the bath, that copy of Time magazine.

Not surprising why the sight of a woman on her own in a cafe like bistro, deli or wine bar is increasingly a common one these days. And it's not about whether these women are single.
These are basically women with hectic lives, jobs, bosses, colleagues, husbands, boyfriends, socialite evenings and plenty of friends. They're not lonely losers, they're confident women marking out 'me' time.

Advertising copywriter Savita Nair is one such woman; a self-confessed "restless soul" who desperately needs time alone, even if just to collect or organise her thoughts. She admits that people find it weird that she is married and yet enjoys going out alone occasionally. "Most of the men I know act disappointed. 'But why couldn't you call us?' The women of course assume you are depressed or sad if they hear about it. And the next day I'll get a call from one of my girlfriends to ask, Babe, are you okay?'It's as though the only reason you seek aloneness is because you are depressed," she says.

Nair has been a resident of three cities - Pune, Delhi and Mumbai - in the last 10 years, and finds Mumbai most conducive to a woman one her own. Second-best, she says, is Pune. The first has the advantage of excellent public transport, while the latter is a two-wheeler paradise, where every woman has wheels of her own. "But I would never venture out alone in Delhi-I am totally put off by the north-Indian male mindset which typically assumes that if you are alone, you are easy

. Also, Delhi sucks in terms of public transport, and women are safe only in very high-end places, and not in mid-level ones," she adds. Then there is this thing about 'the look' that people at adjacent tables sometimes give you. "It is harder in your twenties, but if you keep at it, you learn to ignore it by your thirties, says Nair.

" She adds that she'd prefer her own company to being tied down "to some utterly superficial conversation that she is not looking for." Her idea of places to hang out alone is quite clear.
"Any place that is restful, doesn't have loud music, kids or teenyboppers, but is not necessarily as clinical as a library." She is most happy with a glass of wine, a pasta or salad, a book and herself.

Another reason why she chooses to go out alone many times, she says, is that she enjoys eclectic eating experiences but most of her friends don't. "So I might as well go alone instead of waiting for the right company," says Nair.

Prachi Jain, art director with an advertising agency, says she needs to be left alone from time to time, to recover from the madness of her advertising life, and find the peace and quiet that is hard to come by in the city. Jain finds the cafe culture most conducive to leisurely reading and coffee.

A Delhite who moved to Mumbai a few years ago, and is now married to a Mumbaikar, she remarks that 'the look' is a good barometer of the difference in the two cities' attitude to women on their own. "In Mumbai, someone might just give you a cursory glance and move on.
But in Delhi, the staring is more persistent, more questioning," she says. She also feels that lounges and bars are totally out of bounds for a girl alone in Delhi, but quite acceptable in Mumbai.

"Women do go out to cafes alone in Delhi, but since the crowd tends to be more boisterous and loud at cafes, there's no peace anyway," she adds. And then there is Sonya Dutta Chowdhury, a freelance writer and mother of three, whose 'me' time is mostly wedged in-between various errands.

She calls herself " a coffee-and-muffin kind of person," and finds it boring to order lunch alone. She usually has her days full, balancing writing, the husband, maids and her daughters. Eating out alone gives her the alone time she most looks forward to. "I deserve it," Chowdhury says. Occasionally she also goes out just to think and write. "I've spent many productive hours with coffee, muffins and my laptop at Brio, my neighbourhood cafe," says Chowdhury.

She agrees that doing this in Mumbai is much easier than her hometown, Delhi. "Here, no one bothers you, unless of course you go to some specialty restaurant and look like a bit of an oddball. In Delhi, men somehow haven't yet learnt to leave you alone," she adds.

Chowdhury got used to going solo since her stint in the US, though her friends here wonder how she does it.

Still, it takes a lot for most women to be out there alone. Gourmet chef and food writer Karen Anand, for one, confesses she is not comfortable with the thought. "I don't eat out alone in India. I might when I'm traveling abroad, but even then I order in my room, and that's not the same thing.

It's different in, say, Europe where you essentially eat out to 'eat the meal' she says. Rajashree Khalap, an adventurous animal activist who often travels alone to sanctuaries and wild-life reserves, also admits she is uncomfortable eating out alone. "I'm not a foodie, and at the most, I might stop for a cup of hot chocolate somewhere, but that's it," she says.

Will this article make any difference to women still hesitant about sitting at a table for one, afraid of being labelled lonely losers? I hope so.

What I can tell you, from my own experience, is: try it once and you'll be hooked for life.

Assisi - Adieu !

First ever article that was written by me.... it was for the school magazine :D

June 1st 1995 - I entered into the Assisi Campus with my Mother and Sister. There were lots of unfamiliar faces all around me and a great hustle and bustle as parents and children rushed about looking for their respective classes. Yes, you've guessed it - that was my first day at Assisi. I looked with trepidation into this ocean of unfamiliarity..... There, next to a pillar stood a girl of my age. We walked in that direction and introduced ourselves. I came to know that her name was Neethu Jaleel and she too had joined in Class VI. Together, we walked into the Class marked "VI" which was on the first floor....

It was full of students who all seemed to know each other very well. We sat on the first bench; the only one left unoccupied. Two benches behind a boy wearing spectacles with weird hair standing all up straight as though it had received an electric shock, was busy chatting away to all those around him, thereby setting up a hilarious mood in the class room. Later, I came to know that he was called Remy.

Days, months, years flew by intercepted by exams, holidays, new friendships, quarrels, new comers and partings....seven years later, here I am at good old Assisi suddenly faced with a threatening reality of it being my last year here. Of course, I am no longer the lost young girl I was. The class I look upon is filled with my friends, who over the years have grown very dear to me. And Remy was still there with his hair looking weirder still and his blabbering continuing nonstop, inevitably succeeding in sending his listeners to sleep. There are many new faces and also many missing. I and my friend are about to leave Assisi and all of a sudden we realize how hard it is going to be for us to separate from the big Assisian Family we have become so much a part of.

We will leave Assisi as students with better personality, talents and a sense of individuality. Thank you, Assisi, for every thing you have done for us. I am not sure enough whether I am ready to step out into the new world and I think that the same goes for the others too. Our teachers who have led us through the complicated maze of Life so far, would not be there any longer to advise or protect. Nor will my friends be there to lend a comforting shoulder to sob on in times of distress.

We have a word of advice for our juniors, i.e., Enjoy your school days at Assisi to the fullest, in the best way possible, so that at the end of all you may look back with fond memories. Teachers we are really going to Miss you. Though we have not often said this to you, we take this opportunity to say "we love you very much and thank you" for all that you have done for us. Please don't forget us, the famous trouble-makers and remember us in your prayers as we step out from under your protective shadows into the big, wide and strange world before us.
Sweet Adieu, assisi.................!!!

Nobody understands me..

This a blog written by by Vibhore Gupta on 22 Dec 2008 on MSN India I loved it and have put it up here. Hope you guys too like it.

There is one statement I’ve heard more often than any other, that statement is, “Nobody understands me”. To be honest I am not at all surprised by the frequency of this statement, the reason being, it is the tendency of human beings to stay a little secretive. Understanding a person depends more on the steps taken by the person himself as compared to the steps taken by the people around him. After all, it is me who will decide whom I want to keep inside my circle of trust and whom I want to keep outside of it.

Understanding a person does not mean doing or saying something which will please the person concerned. Those who have narrow ideology they have a tendency to please everyone around them. But a true friend of mine will be one who will recognize my long term gains. It’s very simple to be understood by someone, all we need to do is speak our heart with someone whom we feel to be trustworthy enough. We all love our families and to be honest though we love them a lot but we cannot share everything with them. It’s not that they will not understand, it’s just that our culture prevents us from doing so.

I think there are two categories of people who say, “Nobody understands me”. First category consists of fools and second category consists of again two kinds of people, one, who are betrayed by life at every step of this journey called life and second, who are lost in their own thoughts.

I don’t think it would be an effective utilization of time if we start discussing the category of fools.

So lets just jump to the other category, people who are betrayed by luck and circumstances; these people form an iron cladding around themselves, these people don’t want anybody’s help but they are ready to help others. These people are as hard as rock from inside but as soft as cotton from outside. I believe they even start hating emotions but the catch is hate itself is an emotion.

Recently, I had a conversation with a girl who is qualified to be put into this category. She says that she is the best friend of her every friend but she does not appreciate somebody’s helping attitude towards her, I think I should replace the word appreciate by hate in the previous sentence. I don’t know her even a bit but I know that something has happened in the past; something has shaken her from top to bottom. She has had losses; she has had setbacks but she stood against the tides.

When we have had failures, setbacks, losses, then we tend to become numb towards emotions. We think, “I am used to it now”. And this is exactly the statement which takes us away from our friends when we need them. We rely on ourselves way too much that we tend to forget the existence of others, and in this process we start hurting our friends and one day we are left all alone. People are all around us but we have come so far from them that now even if we try to call them all we hear is our own voice. I don’t know how to phrase my emotions here, I've been on that road, I’ve walked down that isle and I know there’s lot of loneliness on that road, there’s a lot of hatred on that isle.

I am not trying to show sympathy to anyone nor am I trying to change the thought process of someone, but if someone can get back on the lines of sharing his sorrows than I think this post will achieve its purpose. I know these people strive on the policy, “Happiness is for 'us' but sorrow is for 'me' ”. This policy leads to a lot of respect but even lot more loneliness.

Now, comes the second kind of people, the people who are lost among their thoughts and the realities of life. The problem with these kinds of people is that the actions of these people are affected by the thoughts of others. They are full of negativity, they picture themselves as a person who has all weaknesses and no strengths. They don’t think about it too often but if somebody tells them, "you think you are great", "why do you behave like this?". These words kill the self confidence of these kinds of people. The irony is that these people are surrounded by negative thoughts yet people around them think that these people are natural egoists. People think they are arrogant and are more interested in themselves and they don’t care about the people around. But believe me, they care about the people around them more then they care about themselves. But honestly, what I believe is that these people should believe in themselves more than others. Believing and caring are two different words, they should learn to go with the flow of life.

After all, every wants to be special but for that, one should know how to believe in his dreams. There is no beginning or end of this circle called life and we should know when to start running around it, it doesn’t matter if we don’t know how to walk.

I don’t know how to end this post so I’ll just put my pen down, but hey! I’m not using a pen. :-)

Troublesome trio Gen next!

Well I know I haven’t penned for a long time about the troublesome trio. I had written in my earlier post that Neets had got married.

I guess the next generation of the troublesome trio is in the making. Neets was the first one to start on the next generation. Well I guess it is because she is still the only one amongst us to have entered matrimony. She had a baby girl on the 3rd of October and thereby I hope starts the next generation of the trio. It was while watching the movie Wake up Sid that Mariya and I got the call. Though I was watching the only sad scene in the movie I was smiling to myself in the theatre. I just cannot wait for it to be December so that I can see that little angel. And to think I got back to Mumbai from Cochin just last week.

Pssst… when I had seen a very pregnant Neets last week I had predicted to Mariya that Neets was sure to have a baby girl. Well looks like I was bang right.

Water

I never get tired of watching the rain fall and also writing about and since it is the monsoon here in India it is the second write up on rain pretty soon. After a long time I got to see the rains of Kerala and it is as beautiful as I remembered it to be. When the rains come down in torrents it is as though the grass in the fields and the trees are waving their hands and dancing in happiness.

They are nodding their little rain drenched heads and opening their tiny hands to welcome and hold as much water in them as they can. Mother earth becomes one big river starting off with the small rivulets, those then joining the bigger rivulet. Eventually all of it flowing into the canals and the rivers which get filled up leading it to overflow from the boundaries set up by man. It is as though all of nature’s element are in their naughtiest moods and are back to their childhood days with the coming of the monsoons.

I don’t know if you have noticed but babies are attracted to water and I am sure their main loved activity of the day would be when they are given a bath as they get to play in the water. Because the rest of the time the bathroom are locked and the bucket and mugs are kept empty by the parents knowing very well that the babies would not miss an opportunity to play in water.

What is it about water in the form of the still water in the pond or the flowing water in the rivers or the rain drops that fall that attracts us to it. It brings about calmness to our souls and gives us peace. It even attracts the babies to it. All of us love splashing away in the rivers and sea and also love drenching in the rain. It attracts not only the babies but also us towards it.

I had my hearts fill of splashing in the puddles and small rivulets of water when in Kochi but it is only in kochi that I splash away to my heart’s content because I know that it just pure rain water and not water from the gutter mixed with rain water as seen in other cities.

Sunday Evening blues

I do not know if others experience it but I suffer from Sunday evening blues. Yes, and it started quiet young since childhood actually.

It started during school days on the thoughts about the next day and normally even after having completed the home work and assignments I used to have this depressing fearful feeling in me which I absolutely detest .

Later on when I ended up in Bangalore in the hostel it just would not leave me alone but got a bit better over the years as my roommates and friends used to end up talking or doing something which used to take away my mind from this. But it used to surface once in a while when I used to see the sunset and the cloudy Sunday evenings during monsoons.

Now that I am working the feeling should have gone away since I do not have assignment and project for submission. But no I am not cured of it even now; I hate it when I get my Sunday blues. I end up feeling all alone and a totally bad depressed feeling. Essentially making me feel that after the Sunday morning it just goes on to being Monday mornings...taking away the Sunday evenings in between...

Rains

Opening up of the heaven is what I would describe the rains and the monsoon season to be. It brings out the romantic and the nostalgic moods in a person (personal experience). When I see the darkened and cloudy day in anticipation of the rain it just brings a queer but feel good ache in my heart. It brings back all the nostalgic memories from childhood and over the years that I fondly like to remember. It is also when I feel like penning down or blogging.

I do not know the reason why I feel so related to the rains and the monsoons. It could be because the day and time I was born it was raining heavily as my Mom recalls. I feel myself being re energized when I see the droplets of water falling in such torrents on to mother earth.

I have always played in the first rains of the monsoon during childhood. Seeing the rains today I wanted to play like during the old days but did not as I did not have anyone to accompany me in this feat here in Hyderabad. But I will drench myself in the rain once before the end of this monsoon season. :)

The greatest blessing of being born a woman

The miracle of carrying a new life within you and bringing it into this world is the greatest blessing a woman has. The experience of those nine months is something every woman looks forward to and I guess would never be forgotten after experiencing it.

The joy of knowing that you are carrying inside you a new life and that now you are not one but two. 2 of my friends from school are expecting and they say how the baby kicks since their 6th and 7th months of pregnancy. The period when our whole personality changes when we start eating thinks which we hated before just because the life which we carry inside loves it. How our disposition changes to some of what the baby would have. We start loving some particular scents which we never knew existed before.

How we can know even before the baby is born if the baby is going to be a late or early sleeper or riser. My aunt while she was expecting my cousin brother would tell that he used to be up and active till after midnight and used to get up late in the morning sometimes getting her into panic as he used to not move until 11 in the morning. When my cousin was born this was what he continued to be a late sleeper and a late riser.

I am yet to experience this miracle which I have been looking forward to. The miracle of carrying and giving life, it is something which I count as the greatest blessing that God can ever bestow upon a human being and he blessed only us women to do this miracle. One of the reasons I feel lucky to be born a woman.

Splendours of the sun

The rising sun is synonymous to a bindi adorning the forehead of a married Hindu woman enhancing her beauty and making her feel complete.

The rising sun is like a reddish orange glowing bindi adorning the white summer morning sky which has just risen from its slumber. Yet to reach its fiery best and shoot arrows of fire down on earth, the time when we can match eye to eye with the sun. A spectacle if to be seen we have to rise early.

The beauty of the rising sun is different from that of a setting sun. The setting sun is much more beautiful and is more splendorous as it wants us to never forget it and wants us to wait eagerly for it to rise again the next day. The setting sun casts it spell on the moving waters and the whole of the land glowing at its best till the last rays ebbs out for the night. The colors that a setting sun splashes out on earth are numerous spreading across the expanse of the whole sky layered from top till bottom.

The smell of life

The smell of mother earth when she receives the first drops of rain after the parched summer months is the best scent in the world. It is a smell that can be enjoyed only for a short time and only when there are the first showers.

It is a smell of joy, of hope, of longing, of new life, when these droplets touch earth she is so happy that you can literally feel her dancing with joy and that is when this beautiful scent arises. She has been longing for these showers for a long time and when it hits her it gives her the hope of starting life anew on her. All the plant and living creatures that are her children will now thrive. New buds will come forth and earth would turn green and young again. She won’t look all dusty, parched and lifeless it is the time of rebirth and starting life anew for mother earth.

It is my favourite scent in the world a scent for which I too wait like mother earth just longing for it through the dry dreary months. I dance out with joy like the peacock when I see the black cloud rolling in and know that finally my long wait for this unique smell has come to an end. I too like mother earth feel it in my senses when the first drops touch earth and the scent just rises up. A scent most divine the scent of joy, hope, longing and new life.

Consequences of marriage

Some of my good friends both guys and gals have taken the plunge and have started on the bend in road, “marriage”. And it is wonderful to find that there is pattern that is common existing to all of them. 3 of my girl friends (don’t get me wrong friends who are girls is all that this means) and 2 of my boyfriends (same applies here guys who are my friends).

My girlfriends have quit their jobs and moved to Mumbai, Bangalore and US where their better half are employed. All 3 of them have taken it as their life’s mission to excel in the world of culinary art. As they have quit their job and are now endowed with the name of housewife till the time they find themselves another job in the cities they have migrated to, their major source of entertainment is that of cooking. I guess they are trying to prove the saying that “The way to mans heart is through the stomach”. Well I think this activity would ensure one thing, them getting into shape with out having to hit the gym :)

Well with regard to my boyfriends they seem to have achieved greater levels of maturity in matter of days. One of them is in the process of setting up his house from scratch and the effect of this effort on him has terrified the rest of us into taking this step in life. They seem to be suddenly entrusted with responsibilities and rudely awakened to a life they never thought would happen to them.

Let her be

This is an article which appeared in the Sunday Times in O-Zone on 1 March 09 and wanted to share it. It has striken a cord with me and my friend, I guess it is the best descrption of what I am feeling right now on the subject.

How do you know who is the right man for you, was the plaintive question a colleague, Ritu, just entering her 30’s asked the other day. Under pressure from her parents to get married within the year, she despaired of finding the right guy and dreaded ending up with the wrong one.

Actually, how do you know who’s right or wrong for you? Surprisingly one finds more women than men debating this question. You hardly ever come across a man scared of being hitched up with the wrong woman. Or at least not one who openly expresses this fear. Women are more commitment phobic these days. It used to be a man’s problem, but today many women don’t get into matrimony for fear of getting attached to the wrong partner. What goes on in a girl’s mind when she is seriously considering the ‘M’ question?

Shilpa, a professional who is unmarried at 32, says, “What holds me back is the fear that a man I like may be pretending to be somebody quite different from what he really is; how is one to know? It’s one thing to enjoy a cup of coffee with a guy and quite another to commit the next 40-45 years of your life to him!” She doesn’t feel as paranoid about striking a new friendship or getting a new job. “Well, of course not,” she says, you can always walk away from a friend or a job; the emotional commitment isn’t so high, but not so from a husband and a family!”

Amrita, a colleague who at 36, is yet to tie the knot, says, “My fears stem from a lot of ‘what ifs’... it’s like you want to know or sort out issues before you actually marry, later will be too late! Is he a cribber? Is he honest? Does he have a sense of integrity? What if I end up tied to a man who is a big bore!”

When Hillary Clinton was asked how she knew that Bill Clinton was her one true love, she replied, “How does anybody know about love? If you can describe it, you may not fully be experiencing it.....My husband is my best friend. We have an endless conversation...we never get bored.”

A lady bureaucrat, Pooja, now happily married with a daughter, recalls how determined she was to satisfy the “inner romantic” within her. “I had to find ‘Mr Right’; the only other option, which didn’t seem too bad either, was to stay unmarried. I could support myself, my time and space were my own; what did I need a man for except perhaps for companionship and to enhance the quality of a life I already led?”

“It had to be someone who shared a general sense of compatibility with me, someone who enjoyed and could share what I wanted of my life. He had to share my value system and be a man I could respect; or at least someone I couldn’t just dismiss; someone who was not unintelligent...”

Note the way the selection process became one of elimination rather than selection for Pooja. She wanted an intelligent guy, but would have been happy with one who was “not unintelligent.” A guy she could respect, or at least, as she put it, someone she “couldn’t just dismiss.”

Sometimes the choice becomes easier by first eliminating what you just will not accept in a life companion rather than looking for the qualities you want. For instance, if you are clear you will not be able to respect a guy with a squeaky voice, or a man who finds it difficult to smile, or someone who drinks or smokes, those are the things to watch out for and clarify first, and the rest follows.

Coming back to how does one know, most women who have met their destined men, insist that you just know. “It’s a feeling,” Pooja tries to explain. When she did meet her soul mate, she describes it as “a gentle feeling...he was bright and fun loving. I knew men... I had enough friends and batch mates...but what was most appealing about my husband was that he was one of the few men I met who gave me this feeling of space...I could be Pooja around him!”

And really, this is what most women are seeking in their men today; just the opportunity to remain themselves. Agrees Ritu, “I want the freedom to keep doing what I love — reading, writing, composing poems. I don’t want someone to clamp me or my aspirations. I want a deep companionship, where we can enjoy the same things together. I want friendship, and passion — for each other yes, but that fizzles out, so passion for the same things in life...” Is that too much to ask for? To just let a woman be herself?